a bit of this and a bit of that

Remember my blog post about music and how much it means to me? Normally when something is wrong I can usually find a song to relate to it. Today this one line from a PINK song is resonating in my head:

"Every day I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me"

Now that is not to say that I can't stand myself, I am working hard to get back to where I was and accept myself for who I am.

One of the best feelings is driving in the summer with the really bright, warm sun shining down and the music just cranked. Not a care in the world!

I had an anxiety attack the other day - and I didn't know what happened until afterwards. I didn't think I ever got anxiety attacks but I can think of at least one other time this happened to me.

So remember on Monday when I was feeling down after my workout at the gym? Well I went into Angelo's to get some pizza sauce for dinner and saw someone that I had not seen in a long time. I had gone to highschool with him when I was large, then ran into him at work right before my wedding and he has said how good I was looking (I was at my most fit then) and we had chatted for a bit and I haven't seen him since. He was in there and I did everything possible to keep from running into him. After I managed to leave the store with my sauce and not running into him I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and felt normal again. Very weird occurrence but I am chalking it up to the fact that I had just been upset with myself at the gym.

On a more positive note I have had a bit more energy yesterday and today. Yesterday I lasted longer than today but today I lasted longer than I have in a while. I am hoping that this sleeping pattern will pay off and that I stop waking up with such bad headaches soon. \

This was a pretty good weekend - we went to Tara's game yesterday then over to the states to get a few things, then today after church I had a meeting then came home and cleaned the apartment before heading to Sean's parents place to hang out for a bit while Sean and his Dad worked on something.

We all went out to dinner at Palasad (Sean and I are trying to chose new places to eat). We ordered a salad and a pizza to share. As soon as the salad came and I took one look at it, I decided that I was not sharing because it looked SO GOOD. I took one bite and was just in heaven. I did share some with him, but not half like I had planned, since I ended up having less pizza (which was also REALLY good). I had the Apple and Goat Cheese salad - and I would strongly recommend it to anyone!

My night time routine is going okay, it's a nuisance on the weekend let me tell you, and I have felt a bit better from doing it, but not much. I am going to keep on with it, as well as my Herbalife vitamins.
 

Pity party for 1

I was going to write a post last night but I was too busy holding a pity party for 1.

I have been working on my sleep hygiene and it is actually really tough to get into a sleep pattern. I am still really really tired and hoping that I start to feel the benefits soon (Google says it's about two weeks before you notice a difference). I've been having a very hard time saying awake during the day, and especially in the evening. My sleep time is 10 pm so it is very tough to stay away that long especially when I am SO tired. I have been waking up with headaches everyday too, that go away shortly after having a shower and eating.

So after work yesterday I met Sean at the gym and we got changed to do our workout. Then we sat there for 5 minutes and complained that we were both so tired and just wanted to go home. We contemplated leaving before working out but I was like that would be SO lazy and lame to get dressed then just change again and go home when we were already there. So we pursued our workout. I started my warm up walking on the treadmill and then went to the mats to do a good stretch. When I was stretching there were three females that were working out in the area that were super fit and it made me feel really crummy. I know you shouldn't compare yourself to others but I was down on the fact that I had let myself get like this (put some weight back on). I ended up doing a half an hour cardio workout then we went home.

I am feeling a bit better today, although still down, but I am trying to focus on the positive. The good thing is that I did NOT go home and eat my feelings! I made dinner, ate good portions, then had a portioned snack. Previously I would have just said "forget this" and eaten what ever I wanted. I am still determined to lose 8 pounds this month - and I am going to do it!

Today I am going to try a new idea - right as I am leaving work I am going to have a lift off to help power me through my workout. I have a really good workout plan for this week so I just have to stay focused on it.

Monday - gym
Tuesday - Lee
Wednesday - soccer
Thursday - gym
Friday - Lee
Saturday - gym
Sunday - hiking with Sean and Levi

I am going to finish this Debbie Downer post with three things that I am grateful for right now:

1. My back is no longer hurting me (for the most part)
2. I have a lot of exciting trips to looks forward to
3. I am starting to feel like my old self, little bit by little bit - but I notice them more obviously when they happen little bits at a time.